At this time four months ago....we were in the same city as our son Ethan and i was WAITING eagerly to get going! I remember the view that we had of the incredible Bulgarian creation. I remember тихомир колев and his amazing wife, Nusha, giving us the honor of the best room in the bed and breakfast and the pure joy on her face. OH how i miss her! I SO loved her instantly....as if we had been friends for life! Her cooking was amazing and ADORABLE was she! That morning was my last time seeing her! I held her tight letting her know that i would never forget her.
THEN, we got into the van and we were on our way.....for our life changing union of our son coming into our lives! My joy was overwhelming as i had my rose colored glasses on as to what our future would like. The overwhelming and bubbling joy as i changed our son into the outfit that i had brought for him not even noticing the skinny little body i had put the clothes onto. Not until later that Monday when his pants fell off in the van and even then we thought that he must have pulled them off quickly. Ethan bit me in the van....it was the only time that he ever bit me hard but i was bruised for over a week...it was DEFINITELY memorable. I will never forget how our interpreter let me know when i told her that he must be teething that he had ALL of his teeth! That night his pants fell down in our hotel room and again, i thought nothing of it.....UNTIL Scott brought him onto the bed after giving Ethan a bath. Scott didn't know what to say and i just wanted to weep at what we saw....he was SO SO skinny. I wish that i would have taken a picture like all of the other people that i had seen do but we discussed it and Scott just didn't feel comfortable letting people see it.
I remember that our rose colored glasses came off almost instantly at the hotel. We were not prepared for the way that Ethan was....his behavior was not what we were expecting. It seemed that he took joy in hurting or trying to hurt us. We got wise to his moves VERY quickly! We also realized that the room was VERY small for a boy who was used to having LOTS of room to run and we also then knew that we had not brought the items that he would like to play with. We were overwhelmed on this day mixed with HOPE and joy and fear and love and all kinds of emotions.
When i look back now.....i wish that i could go back and have a redo as we know him a little better now. We had no clue as to who he was! We had NO CLUE as to the things that most parents take for granted! I KNOW things that would have helped that mom and dad out those four months ago...i would let them know that he really DOES sleep that way! I would have told them to have brought Puffs Plus and to have put Myrtle oil on his nose....IN THE VAN when we got him! I would have told them that he loves to have his hair played with when he goes to sleep. There will be a day where he will gain weight (over ten pounds so far) and not to worry. I would have let Mommy know that his future will not look like this one day....there will be a day where he will call you Mama and he will kiss you! I would have told that Daddy that his son will learn to feel safe in his presence and just his voice and a look will be enough to have his son obey. There is so much more that i would have told that Mom and Dad but.....i can't and so...we learned the long way and some hard ways.
I'm going to try to remember our days without looking back at my posts from back then...not tonight at least. I do want to say that i am fully Bulgarian loving that is for sure! Bulgaria is in my blood! I love that country, its people, its food and the son that that the Lord brought to me through its country! I remember that i am ALWAYS BLESSED!!!
