Ethan is FINALLY asleep......WE are all completely and utterly DRAINED.
While i was holding him in my arms for just a few minutes as i figured out that not only was i not going to be able to oil him, nor sing to him....i also wasn't going to be able to even hold him. SO....in that VERY short time of holding him....i thought about something VERY important.
Today, from the time Ethan woke up, Ethan was very unhappy, grumpy, angry, and was screaming for 30-40 minutes straight. There was nothing that we could do to keep him 'happy'. We couldn't even 'love on him' as he wasn't accepting it as we weren't doing it right. He was what many would say was 'unlovable', 'unworthy', and.....well, you get the idea.
Ethan has only been this bad one other day....the infamous day after the grandparents left. Like that day, the day was VERY VERY long, exhausting, overwhelming, and draining.
My thought went to our adoption. Ethan....gave us nothing, he did nothing for us to deserve adoption......and he cost us a LOT.....emotionally, physically, monetarily..... and we loved him. We brought him into our family.......for the rest of his life......he will have our name......he will be our son...he will be loved, no matter what.
God came to us.....when we were filthy, giving Him NOTHING, maybe even yelling at Him, pushing away His love, maybe even wanting to physically hurt him! He chased us when we gave him NOTHING! He reached out His hands when we pushed them away, slapping them with attitudes that what He was giving wasn't what WE wanted. YET, HE GAVE!!! HE GAVE HIS ONLY SON....who obeyed Him, who loved Him, who adored Him in every way.....so that we who were unlovable, ungrateful, uncaring and filthy could be HIS!
I pray that if you have been pushing Jesus away for weeks, months and maybe even years....that you would think of how much He loves you....how much He has sacrificed so that YOU can be His child! So that YOU can have His name.....a CHRISTian....a Christ follower.
I love our son.....yes, even on these VERY VERY TOUGH days but i fail......i do NOT always do what is BEST for him...as i do NOT always KNOW what is best for him. Jesus LOVES YOU and does NOT fail, He ALWAYS does what is BEST for YOU! HE KNOWS!
I beg you to go look for a Bible or one of those Christ followers and ask questions.....dig deeper....search for answers....and stop pushing away the one who wants to adopt YOU!
I AM ALWAYS BLESSED (yep, even on FULL days/nights like this)