I'm thinking over the past six months. I am not at all proud of the way that i have handled things as i obviously was NOT ready for a BOY even! Let alone a little boy who has NEVER EVER been in a home, a family, or probably even a car! WOW! I weep just thinking about my lack of parenting skills of a boy....such a learning curve. I choke back tears now as i see.....OH how i struggle with COMPARING-such a SIN that i struggle CONSTANTLY with! Yet, i am REAL, if nothing else with all of you. I see others---SO MANY others who just seem like they would have been so much better at bringing in a boy into their home. UGH! tears are hot and fresh as i write this..... SO weak i am.
I think of how organized a person should be and how SO many are WAY more organized and would have had no problem with all the paperwork and Dr. appointments and bills and such. I think of how other women have their husband gone for even one and one-half years and yet they make it.
I think of anyone in this household who has learned the most is ME! STILL learning in BIG ways too! I am learning that there ARE going to be HOURS and maybe even DAYS when Ethan just will NOT be an 'easy child' and i will have to struggle to 'figure his needs out' BUT i WILL struggle! This boy....takes my breath away just writing those two words....our precious Ethan is a BLESSING!!!
I have learned so much about God's love in these six months! I have learned so much about God's GRACE! I have learned so much about God's MERCY and COMPASSION and LONGSUFFERING!!! I have also learned that i FAIL at being like Him WAY too often! THAT fact has made me ....THAT FACT makes me way more grateful for Christ's gifts to me!
Our Ethan is learning so much. He has learned that i am his Momma! THIS morning he woke up and when i got him out of bed he said, "Momma"!!! UGH! Weeping again. You see, Ethan always says, "hi E" to all of us because that is what Sophina has said to him since he came and so that is what we all say is "Hi Ethan". Ethan hasn't been able to figure out that he needs to say, "Hi, Sophina or Hi, Momma" and so on instead of "hi E". Ethan is having more times of being 'NICE' than being trained to be 'nice'. THIS Momma is also finding out that his actions are just way more typical than i ever dreamed.
Ethan knows the number 1 and 5. He LOVES and i mean LOVES music and when he wants to, he sings 'words' with me, when i sing my songs to him. He knows the letter B in saying it AND in signing it. He knows the letter A and E too. He loves patty cake, round and round the garden, this little piggy, if you're happy and you know it, Jesus loves Me and the other songs i sing to/with him every night.
He knows the words and "says" - OK, Bye-Bye, Ow, Nice, Sorry, Please, (starting to learn to put his hand up to his mouth to say Excuse me), Chow, Bravo, Momma, Night-Night, food, DadT, more, spoon, signing time (in his own way), NO, Yah (for yes) and probably more but we can't think of anymore right now.
He LOVES Signing Time. I think that the reason is not the same as Sophina's as she LOVES learning the language but Ethan LOVES the music part. They both will do almost anything to get to watch their one movie a day.
Ethan will give us a hug or kiss if we ask and THAT is HUGE!!! OH how i KNEW that it was something that i would LOVE. He gives high fives and low fives, and knucks. He knows where his eyes are and where his nose is.
He is precious. PERIOD. On hard days which this past week seemed to be MANY....are exactly that....HARD! I am beginning to realize that the hardest thing of this adoption isn't Ethan and all the changes that he has had to make but more than that, the fact that Scott is working so far away. When Scott is home or for that matter when Scott's dad was here...there IS a big difference! Ethan LOVES men and respects them automatically!
Ethan is a treasure that i am loving to watch come more and more into the reality that he is in a family! I think of how Ethan came to us so scared and small and unsure of what this new life was. He is understanding that he is staying here. He is so handsome and strong and is ALWAYS and i mean this ALWAYS moving! He is a boy who needs to climb, run, push, carry, learn, and do things with his hands but for that matter, HIS WHOLE BODY. He is a BOY!!! He is a TREASURE!! He is a BLESSING! He is our son....he is my son and oh how i am well pleased!
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