Monday, December 31, 2012

God's ways are NOT my ways but they are BEST

The Lord has shown me in the past twenty-four hours of His providence.  He has shown me that His timing is NOT my timing. 
I have to tell you two stories. One is about our roof.  Our roof, as our closest friends will know, has brought much heartache and grief.  I used to LOVE rainstorms and would cherish them greatly but for the past TWELVE YEARS, they only bring me dread as i would wonder if it was going to be a hard enough, or angled enough or certain kind of rain that would come pouring into our living room.  We have a BEAUTIFUL home that has MANY issues.  The roof has been the biggest.
I have wondered many times as to God's timing but no more as God showed me that the person who is to be doing our roof is the one who is supposed to be doing our roof.  IF we would have done our roof two years ago, it would have been someone different and then we would have just been getting our roof done which is NOT what is happening.  You see, God ordained that life is not about the roof BUT about what God is doing by USING the roof for His purposes!  
What it taught me is that TWELVE YEARS is NOT a long time to God even though it is to me BUT when i saw a little tiny glimpse of HIS PLAN....twelve years REALLY isn't all that long.  It is worth the pain and heartache.
THEN, just an hour or so ago, again God showed me His providence.  I was reading on the site on FB that i am helping with for keeping people up to date about Shannon's Ethan.  What is amazing is that today God showed Himself again. 
You see, around four years ago, our family was in a PICU with our daughter Sophina (ugh....crying at the thought) and on the day when we didn't know if she was going to make it and thought that we may lose her, there was another Mommy who was right next to me watching her little girl.  My hubby was gone for an hour or so when the whole thing started with Sophina and there was no one else with me....but this woman who was sitting with her daughter just a few feet from me was there to give me a hug.  What i found out was that there is a bond that happens when you think you are going to lose your child in the PICU.  It wasn't long when it happened the opposite way too.  This mom who had helped me had the curtain pulled on her baby too (a sign that all is NOT well with your child and is supposed to give some sense of privacy but i KNEW that her daughter was fighting for her life as every doctor and nurse had their eyes on HER baby girl this time).  Again, there was a bond that formed.  They had to leave our PICU and fly out her daughter and i thanked God for FB as i later found out that her daughter had received a new heart within twenty-four hours!

Well, fast forward to today.  You see, that mommy is a woman who is friends with me still on FB.  We have MANY opposite things that we are passionate about BUT we are ones who are unlike almost anyone else when we understand the pain of the PICU.  There is a bond that is unexplainable.  This afternoon, i took three minutes to read on the site for Shannon's Ethan.  There on the site was my Mommy friend.  You see HER daughter was on ECMO.  SHE KNOWS what it is like to go through having a child on ECMO.....whereas i CAN know what it is like to have your child in the PICU for a VERY long time BUT i CANNOT KNOW what it is like to have MY child on ECMO.  There on the site was my Mommy friend, Linsey explaining to people about what happened when her daughters (yes, their second daughter who was just a baby when their firstborn went through the heart transplant, ALSO had to have a heart transplant just this past the same age as their firstborn).  LINSEY is the one who brought HOPE to people who are now praying for a little boy that i love dearly!
God's timing is NOT my timing my friend BUT i was reassured today, which is a day that i DESPERATELY NEEDED assurance, that God KNOWS what He is doing.  You see, today i wondered how i was going to make it as i saw our son revert so far back to what used to be 'normal'.  What i realized today was that if God chose to have me/us live like this for the next TWELVE YEARS THEN He has His reasons!  THAT made all the difference in the world to me.  God's ways are STILL NOT my ways BUT GOD KNOWS BEST!!!
Happy New Year!

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