Tuesday, November 13, 2012

A new perspective of a Bible story that i KNOW

Tonight, i was reading the Bible story about the life of Moses, to Sophina.  It was starting from Miriam's life and taking it almost from her perspective. As i was reading the story THIS TIME as a mother of a son whom we adopted, something hit me.
First, you have to understand that i have been in church a LOT since the womb!!! I KNOW this story (not as in a fable but as it REALLY HAPPENED kind of story). BUT i thought of something that i NEVER EVER would have thought about unless i had had Ethan!!!
The Egyptian's Pharaoh's daughter went down to the river for a bath and there found the Hebrew baby Moses in a basket that had been covered in tar. The Princess' father had made a proclamation that ALL of the Hebrew baby boys were to be drowned in the Nile BUT his daughter instead ADOPTED Moses! THAT part i HAD thought of before but never had DWELLED on - that is NOT it though.
Moses grows up and i can just imagine that Pharaoh was NOT happy that his own daughter had adopted this little boy....what a laughingstock and a fool and a pushover he must be looking like to his friends and people around him or even in other countries. I wonder if he said things like we have heard...."what happens if he grows up and does something horrible". THEN IT HIT ME!!! IF you were an Egyptian....THAT ADOPTION was HORRIFIC!!!! BUT IF you were a Hebrew.....THAT ADOPTION saved MILLIONS of your people's lives!!!! BECAUSE SOMEONE ADOPTED A LITTLE BOY.....COMPLETELY going against what i am sure EVERYONE but a small handful were saying.......MILLIONS of lives were saved.
I just thought that THAT FACT was AMAZING!!

Thursday, November 8, 2012

PICTURES of the last six months!!!

Make sure that you also READ my last post about the last six months too!


Ethan seems to have been a part of our family forever and we are so blessed!  Here is what i wrote this morning on my wall on FB......

I'm thinking over the past six months.  I am not at all proud of the way that i have handled things as i obviously was NOT ready for a BOY even!  Let alone a little boy who has NEVER EVER been in a home, a family, or probably even a car!  WOW!  I weep just thinking about my lack of parenting skills of a boy....such a learning curve.  I choke back tears now as i see.....OH how i struggle with COMPARING-such a SIN that i struggle CONSTANTLY with!  Yet, i am REAL, if nothing else with all of you.  I see others---SO MANY others who just seem like they would have been so much better at bringing in a boy into their home.  UGH!  tears are hot and fresh as i write this..... SO weak i am.
I think of how organized a person should be and how SO many are WAY more organized and would have had no problem with all the paperwork and Dr. appointments and bills and such.   I think of how other women have their husband gone for even one and one-half years and yet they make it.
I think of anyone in this household who has learned the most is ME!  STILL learning in BIG ways too!  I am learning that there ARE going to be HOURS and maybe even DAYS when Ethan just will NOT be an 'easy child' and i will have to struggle to 'figure his needs out' BUT i WILL struggle!  This boy....takes my breath away just writing those two words....our precious Ethan is a BLESSING!!!  
I have learned so much about God's love in these six months!  I have learned so much about God's GRACE!  I have learned so much about God's MERCY and COMPASSION and LONGSUFFERING!!!  I have also learned that i FAIL at being like Him WAY too often!  THAT fact has made me ....THAT FACT makes me way more grateful for Christ's gifts to me!

Our Ethan is learning so much.  He has learned that i am his Momma!  THIS morning he woke up and when i got him out of bed he said, "Momma"!!!  UGH! Weeping again.  You see, Ethan always says, "hi E" to all of us because that is what Sophina has said to him since he came and so that is what we all say is "Hi Ethan".  Ethan hasn't been able to figure out that he needs to say, "Hi, Sophina or Hi, Momma" and so on instead of "hi E". Ethan is having more times of being 'NICE' than being trained to be 'nice'.  THIS Momma is also finding out that his actions are just way more typical than i ever dreamed.
Ethan knows the number 1 and 5.  He LOVES and i mean LOVES music and when he wants to, he sings 'words' with me, when i sing my songs to him.  He knows the letter B in saying it AND in signing it.  He knows the letter A and E too.  He loves patty cake, round and round the garden, this little piggy, if you're happy and you know it, Jesus loves Me and the other songs i sing to/with him every night. 
He knows the words and "says" - OK, Bye-Bye, Ow, Nice, Sorry, Please, (starting to learn to put his hand up to his mouth to say Excuse me), Chow, Bravo, Momma, Night-Night, food, DadT, more, spoon, signing time (in his own way), NO, Yah (for yes) and probably more but we can't think of anymore right now.
He LOVES Signing Time.  I think that the reason is not the same as Sophina's as she LOVES learning the language but Ethan LOVES the music part.  They both will do almost anything to get to watch their one movie a day.  
Ethan will give us a hug or kiss if we ask and THAT is HUGE!!!  OH how i KNEW that it was something that i would LOVE.  He gives high fives and low fives, and knucks. He knows where his eyes are and where his nose is.

He is precious.  PERIOD.  On hard days which this past week seemed to be MANY....are exactly that....HARD!  I am beginning to realize that the hardest thing of this adoption isn't Ethan and all the changes that he has had to make but more than that, the fact that Scott is working so far away.  When Scott is home or for that matter when Scott's dad was here...there IS a big difference!  Ethan LOVES men and respects them automatically! 

Ethan is a treasure that i am loving to watch come more and more into the reality that he is in a family!  I think of how Ethan came to us so scared and small and unsure of what this new life was.  He is understanding that he is staying here.  He is so handsome and strong and is ALWAYS and i mean this ALWAYS moving!  He is a boy who needs to climb, run, push, carry, learn, and do things with his hands but for that matter, HIS WHOLE BODY.  He is a BOY!!!  He is a TREASURE!!  He is a BLESSING!  He is our son....he is my son and oh how i am well pleased!

Friday, November 2, 2012

ADOPTION IS HARD....but so good

Ethan is FINALLY asleep......WE are all completely and utterly DRAINED. 
While i was holding him in my arms for just a few minutes as i figured out that not only was i not going to be able to oil him, nor sing to him....i also wasn't going to be able to even hold him. SO....in that VERY short time of holding him....i thought about something VERY important.
Today, from the time Ethan woke up, Ethan was very unhappy, grumpy, angry, and was screaming for 30-40 minutes straight. There was nothing that we could do to keep him 'happy'. We couldn't even 'love on him' as he wasn't accepting it as we weren't doing it right. He was what many would say was 'unlovable', 'unworthy', and.....well, you get the idea.
Ethan has only been this bad one other day....the infamous day after the grandparents left. Like that day, the day was VERY VERY long, exhausting, overwhelming, and draining.
My thought went to our adoption. Ethan....gave us nothing, he did nothing for us to deserve adoption......and he cost us a LOT.....emotionally, physically, monetarily..... and we loved him. We brought him into our family.......for the rest of his life......he will have our name......he will be our son...he will be loved, no matter what.
God came to us.....when we were filthy, giving Him NOTHING, maybe even yelling at Him, pushing away His love, maybe even wanting to physically hurt him! He chased us when we gave him NOTHING! He reached out His hands when we pushed them away, slapping them with attitudes that what He was giving wasn't what WE wanted. YET, HE GAVE!!! HE GAVE HIS ONLY SON....who obeyed Him, who loved Him, who adored Him in every way.....so that we who were unlovable, ungrateful, uncaring and filthy could be HIS!

I pray that if you have been pushing Jesus away for weeks, months and maybe even years....that you would think of how much He loves you....how much He has sacrificed so that YOU can be His child! So that YOU can have His name.....a CHRISTian....a Christ follower.
I love our son.....yes, even on these VERY VERY TOUGH days but i fail......i do NOT always do what is BEST for him...as i do NOT always KNOW what is best for him. Jesus LOVES YOU and does NOT fail, He ALWAYS does what is BEST for YOU! HE KNOWS! 

I beg you to go look for a Bible or one of those Christ followers and ask questions.....dig deeper....search for answers....and stop pushing away the one who wants to adopt YOU!
I AM ALWAYS BLESSED (yep, even on FULL days/nights like this)