a FB post of random thoughts

A LOT has happened since Mother's Day and for some reason i am WAY MORE apt to write on FB than to come on here.  I was never a blogger so i just don't think of it and when i have written this past month...to be honest, a lot of times it was in a lot of emotion and i wasn't planning on writing all that i would end up writing.  WELL, that is what happened again!  I was just going to write a little something but ended up writing a lot of somethings.  You may get the gist of what has happened in this past month...i hope you do.  Let's just say that the transition has been hard but the rewards have been just as amazing.  There is a LOT that has happened and if you follow FB, you have seen the intense story unfold.  If you would like to see all of that....it would be WAY too much to put on here BUT if you do have FB...just message me to be your friend and then you could read all that has happened.  Just know that God has carried us through and many times in these weeks...it has been just like the Footprints poem where Jesus has had to carry me as i have clung to Him!  He HAS been so faithful!  I have been SO weak!  SO....this is now my intro back to being a blogger and i promise that i will try to write here instead of going to FB first.  I will do it the opposite now! (just don't know if you all will appreciate that or not ;))  Lovingly, Connie

There is just so much to share and it is SO late.  There may be paragraphs or just sentences but i just thought that i would throw out a whole bunch of random things that are growing in my head for things that are happening here.
Our new normal....FEELS normal!

I have ALWAYS been queasy when it comes to 'blow out poopies' that need rinsing and cleaning before washing of clothes.  I have ALWAYS been queasy from throwing up and the like. I have had to take care of both in the last 1 1/2 years and i still don't do well with it but i DO IT! I AM ALWAYS BLESSED :)

I am just about feeling like we can do this and then at the same time, realizing that Ally is leaving in eleven days and i again realize how much i have her help!  How does one put TWO children to bed at the same time!?  I am SO grateful for this daughter that LOVED adoption all the way through to being a part of caring for her brother and sister's needs.  SHE will be missed greatly!!!

I DAILY stand in awe of the women around the world who can do this mothering thing SO MUCH better than i can!

I am amazed that there are single mothers out there who do this EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!

I am amazed at the mothers whose husband's are in the armed forces and they don't get to see them for MONTHS and MONTHS at a time!

I am in awe that God chose me to be a mother of a little boy....a BOY!!!

I am in awe of the privilege of watching our son be transformed SO QUICKLY!!!

Just three weeks ago, i thought that our son had an actual NEED to bite...as in....there was something inside of him that just HAD to bite something....ANYTHING!!!  He hasn't even bitten his blanket while i am putting him to bed in MANY MANY days!!!  PRAYER.....NOT KIDDING....PRAYER is the answer on this one! There was no biting toy....except for two or three days and it hardly happened even then.  i am not kidding you - i told someone privately that he was like watching an animal whipping his 'toy' back and forth in his mouth.  He did it to our curtains, his toys, his blankets and to us!  GONE!

Yep, he is still doing the hair pulling, the pinching, the hitting, etc..... BUT and this is a HUGE BUT.....he is ALSO being WAY MORE INTENTIONALLY gentle!  He is lovingly touching us....our faces with his hands on both sides!!!  He is  stroking our arms!  He is hugging us!  He is kissing us!!!  HE. IS. LEARNING!!!!

I am so utterly shocked as to HOW QUICKLY Ethan is learning gentleness, kindness, and LOVE!!!

Ethan EATS UP being praised!!!  He LOVES hearing "bravo" !!!

My fridge is NOT big enough! :)

My house is hardly clean, my legs are rarely shaved, my hair is rarely all 'put together' like it used to be, and i really don't care....i am with my children and they could care less about my legs or my hair and we all work to have a clean house and it gets messy again when we live in it again :)

This morning, i woke up with a VERY SORE throat and a runny nose.  It was so bad that i actually gargled with salt water...NOT my favorite thing to do.  It did nothing!  I was blowing my nose constantly!  I thought that i should look up in my 'book' as to what to do and it said to put ONE DROP of Theives essential oil into 32 oz of water and to drink it. (it took me an hour to drink that over time)  Within five minutes my throat didn't hurt!!!  I was completely shocked!  It never came back either! (nose stopped running too)

Our son looks amazing!

His "malnourished tummy" that stood out so much is now not looking so BIG and he is growing taller even...i am almost sure that he is now taller than Sophina!!!  His eyes are not so dark underneath his eyes!

His eyes melt me....when he looks straight at me with those dark brown eyes and especially when he is wearing the brown bibs that Bonnie Satterberg made for him....oh my word....i just want to smother him in kisses!

I have NO IDEA how i was chosen to be Ethan's mommy!  Yep, i am saying it again!

I am remembering how i would be walking Sophina at night...when she was SUPER sick and unable to sleep as she struggled to breathe from a horrible cold and her gagging at night....and how i would walk her for even hours and then sleep for a little bit and do it again over and over for a LONG period of time.  I remember praying for the orphans who didn't have a Mommy to do that for them!  It blows my mind that Ethan, for the last two nights, has CLUNG to me when i go to put him into his crib...not wanting me to let him go!  It amazes me when Ethan gets hurt that i am able to comfort him...he LETS ME!!!  I am shocked that the past two days...he is cuddling more and loving us more and letting me be his 'Mommy' who can care for him, love him, cuddle him EVEN!!!!
I can't believe that those tear-filled-prayers of those nights so long ago were fulfilled in our very own house....an orphan is no more...our son....is HOME!!!

Yep, i KNOW!  I KNOW that we will have MANY MANY more days of HARD times!!!  LOTS more poop that will make me sick.  Lots more cleaning that will make me wish i could just throw it away instead of take care of it ;)  (if you have never experienced the kind of stuff that others have verified as being disgusting...well, it IS the worst!) I am NOT one to throw away things BUT i have actually thought of throwing away clothes....more than once!  I have seen pictures of Dads who have clothespins on their noses and plastic gloves on up to their elbows....and thought that they were wooses.....well, no more!!!

I KNOW that there will be MUCH learning on MY part!!! OH MY GOODNESS!  My sinful, selfish, and part of me that needs work....is creeping up often!  Unselfish love is HARD!!!  LOVE that gets ANGER back is HARD!!!  Being spit on with a mouth full of smooshed/half eaten food is HARD!  Being hit HARD is  well, HARD!  Watching your daughters get hurt is HARD!

Watching your young daughters get thrilled when their brother blows them a kiss!  exciting!  Seeing your teenage/almost adult daughter be full of joy over the fact that her brother hugged and kissed her and then pulled her hair!  amazing!  Watching our son take my face in his hands and ON PURPOSE lovingly stroke me....breathtaking!  Seeing your daughter lean over and kiss her brother that does NOT have her trust...shocking!  Being able to see the transformation of not only Ethan but each of us makes me ALWAYS BLESSED!!!!!