Sunday, May 13, 2012

Mother's Day

Tonight, as i have read through many of your posts tonight, trying to get caught up a little on YOUR lives, i realized something that i am a little sheepish in sharing with you all.  Not once did i think of Ethan's birth mom today (as it must still be Mother's Day since i have not gone to bed yet; 0 ).  Till now.
I DID think of how i have friends who like me have lost a child through miscarriage and has a child in heaven like our son, Isaac.  I thought of other Moms who are step moms who more than likely never get to be with their step children on this day set aside for the "Mother".  I have thought of those friends and had compassion as i know that they are also Mothers who LOVE the children of their husband as if they had come from their very own body.  YET, on THIS day, it is abundantly and painfully clear that the child(ren) did not.  My heart has hurt for these friends today.
I read notes from children and mothers who have told of the incredible ways that they felt the love of their children today. I read and wondered if there were Mothers today who wonder if their child even loves them.
Mother's Day is such a mix and violent of emotions for so many.....but today, in MY own little world...
i awoke to a cry of a son who had only been an American citizen for less than a day!  A son whom i ran to as soon as i heard his one little cry...who was only six feet away from me. I was so proud of the fact that our son had slept IN THE SAME POSITION THE ENTIRE NIGHT!!!
I watched as our girls & Ethan learned our 'new normal' for our 'routines' for Sunday mornings!  I watched in horror, shock, sweet compassion, and a whole mix of emotions as our son hit Sophina over the head with his cup...on purpose and watched her little lip come out and watched her little heart be devastated that her brother could do such a thing.  I tried to teach a child who has had workers laugh at such things that what he did was WRONG and not a laughing matter to see about thirty minutes later, our son scramble onto our couch where Ally was cuddling Sophina, and try to inch closer and closer to the little sister he hurt.  It went on throughout the day today...this same thing....he hurts her, she is completely crushed, he comes to her to hug and she backs away with mistrust,  she goes to him to give him motherly hugs (that is all i can call them due to her sweet nature in doing so) and him sometimes accepting them, sometimes pushing her away in meanness, to sometimes hugging her back.
I couldn't believe that we actually all made it to church and ON TIME for when we were to be there!  Thirty minutes early. As we waited in the green room our Pastor prayed over the guest preacher ( a young man whom we love as he had been in our connection group for two years) AND almost the entire time our son sang what he sings...he LOVES to sing it when he is happy, when he needs comfort, when i sing to him, or just whenever.  He sang it more than he has ever sung it at one time...i pulled away from their prayer time and i am sure that the prayer was amazing but i must be heart was hearing my son sing in worship...i felt like he KNEW he was in a place of worship and. he. sang!!!  Yep, my Momma heart was singing with him and i didn't hear anything much else!
Scott & i wondered for those minutes right before we were to come out of the green room if Ethan was going to make it as he had a meltdown...mild one BUT was it going to go big???  We tried singing, rocking, even food and nothing was calming him down.  I had to take him almost as far away as i could due to us thinking that the congregation could hear him....and THEN....the next thing i knew....two of the guys came running with Scott saying...IT IS TIME!!!!!!
I am sure that i was beaming as what happened next was nothing short of a miracle....Ethan and i walked out to the large platform (with Scott walking behind us) and amazingly Ethan immediately STOPPED screaming and crying and fighting and just was quiet.  The whole family came up to the platform as Matthew (not our Pastor Matthew) spoke about our family very quickly and our desire to dedicate our son's life to the Lord as soon as possible...almost EXACTLY 12 hours from the time that we made it HOME!!!  The words that we made a vow to were beautiful and godly and all that i want to be as a mother!  
Ethan had a moment when he started to get antsy and i gave him to Scott immediately so we didn't have a meltdown and then Matthew prayed a heartfelt prayer over our son and family.  It was a special time as a family to be up front and say ( with a smile on my lips) that we are choosing to raise our son in such a way that we pray that he will have an incredible relationship with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ....YES, OUR SON!!!  I believe that there are many who will wonder if he COULD have that with Jesus and my smile was in complete utter faith that Ethan can and will in such a way that many of us would only dream of....the trust and faith and love that he will one day have, i pray, will probably be teaching ME more about MY relationship with Christ than me teaching him!
Once it was done we immediately tried to sit in the back row...completely the opposite of what i am used to as a front row LOVER!!!  Ethan would have none of it so we went out.  Scott wanted him and wanted me to go to Sophina so i did and it was such a special time as she reached for me to hold her and then she looked kind of funny and completed to put her head on my shoulder and fall asleep on the very beginning of the second song!!!  I held her until the very near end as i went out as Scott had come in as he left Ethan with Ally & Becky!  I didn't want Ethan to be without one of us so i went and found the three of them, with him playing in the older baby nursery...learning to NOT take away toys from the other children!  He was quite brilliant in there and shocked me by his ability to play with the toys that he played with.  The girls had fed him yogurt and he had wanted more-go figure! :)
We saw some people afterward and then the whole family went home and ate the leftovers from the meals that people had lovingly brought our children while we were gone. (oh my! How i appreciated that!!!!!!)  All i had to do was heat things up!  I went and put Sophina to sleep who struggled for about 40 minutes and then i found myself with my chin to my chest, so i put her to bed and asked if i could nap.  The children let Scott and i sleep for about 90 minutes which felt amazing!
We woke up and played a game that Liz & Nate brought over with trains and a map of North was really fun and it was a special time.  Sophina finally woke up at 6:15pm & at almost the same time, i let Ethan get awakened by Catia. (the game had gone that long so we let the 'schedule' slide-big time!  Ethan did NOT want to wake up!!!
Tonight, we took the two around the block in the stroller we got instead of the electronic device i had won for our trip...a double stroller that WILL get its money's worth!!!  It is an incredible thing that works so well that we got at Target...the night before we left for Bulgaria.  SUCH DELIGHT it was to push them through our neighborhood!!!  Such a proud Momma was i...with Catia (who was just as proud)!
THEN while we were doing that and Ally was at church, Scott & Vika had cleaned up & made Scott's famous popcorn!!!
We got a surprise visit from Cynthia who was dropping off the towels that i had asked her to embroider the names of the little ones onto....Ethan has a monkey towel and Sophina has a froggy towel...can't wait to have them WRAPPED IN THESE towels! She also had fixed Catherine's dolly that had been broken for years!  It was a short driveway visit and then we went in to have popcorn - WITH our son....who absolutely LOVED IT!!!
We were all worn out from the difference from being a family of just girls to a family with a son but not a single one of us wants it any other way!  This boy will be loved and treasured for all the days of his life.  He is a precious little boy who is going to learn what it means to live in a family....our family....our son.....the son that i didn't bear through by way of birthing BUT i bore through my ever enlarging heart.
Yes, THIS was a Mother's Day that will never be is a day that was about being a mother...a mother who loves her children dearly and is so honored to be called MOM!
ALWAYS BLESSED, Connie for the crew!

1 comment:

  1. My mom did a cross-stitch of this poem for me for my high school graduation. I wanted to share it with you. :) Happy Mother's Day!

    Legacy of an Adopted Child
    Once there were two women who never knew each other.
    One you do not remember, the other you call mother.
    Two different lives, shaped to make your one...
    One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.
    The first gave you life and the second taught you to live it.
    The first gave you a need for love, and the second was there to give it.
    One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name.
    One gave you a seed of talent, the other gave you an aim.
    One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears.
    One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried your tears.
    One gave you up ... that's all she could do.
    The other prayed for a child and God led her straight to you.
    And now you ask me, through your fears,
    the age old question unanswered throughout the years...
    Heredity or environment, which are you the product of?
    Neither, my darling … neither.
    Just two different kinds of love.

    ~ Author Unknown ~