PLEASE MAKE SURE THAT YOU READ the other post FIRST before reading this one.... it is called THREE MONTHS!!!!
First, i will tell you that God is faithful.....even when i am NOT! My God is an amazing God and He has been One who has brought me such amazing times with Him through avenues that are not the 'typical' avenues. A verse or a song on the radio or even on FB or messaged to me were like rain on a parched soul. There was the VBS cd that Victoria was given early as she was a helper and was able to have it come home with her from her helper meeting. Those songs had meanings that no one could have known. DEEP meanings where when my friend was sitting next to me at the much later last day of VBS performance heard my heart over the words that were being sung....she was seeing what i had heard and it moved her. GOD IS SO FAITHFUL isn't He???
One day is one that is embedded into my heart as a Mommy....a time when i was putting Ethan to bed and he was SO very sweet and our time together was SO amazing....he called me MaMa too that day. The Lord gave me that time as a true gift as those next weeks were some of the toughest that i could have dreamed. Another thing that brought me through my toughest days....a friend whom i am most grateful for told me that she had been told that when one adopts a child that that child is NOT the age that the paperwork says they are RATHER they are a BABY emotionally speaking SO BABIES bite and hit and pinch and pull hair!!! THAT FACT went through my head MANY MANY times!!! SO grateful that she shared that with me!
Bonnie is a friend who would just pop in and drop off a bag of chocolates or a great find...a tool toy for Ethan. She would text me a message. A friend fb messaged me verses to meditate on and oh my it was SO needed!!! Another friend came over and brought a pizza and ate with us. Several women let me know of their love and prayers....mostly women that i have never met before. One woman prayed 'out loud' on FB for our family and she did it often. I am grateful for these things and more. My dear Mother-in-law....a blessing to me as she wrote every single day on FB....her support has meant the world to me.
Through all of those VERY hard days, weeks and these months....our girls were IN the thick of the craziness. Ally was gone for six weeks of this and she was preparing for a lot of that time before that. Vica and Catia had their lives changed in a WAY bigger way then we had prepared them for and thankfully they have stepped WAY up to the challenge. I am forever grateful for their VERY INVOLVED help on a daily basis. Liz and Nate stepped up to the plate and when i found out that we were NOT going to be just one night at the hospital they volunteered to spend the nights with our younger girls!
This past week has been amazing and a lot of it has to do with friends that answered the request for help. Women came and helped with laundry but especially with meals!! OH MY how that helped me out SO MUCH! Ethan was NOT eating and Sophina was NOT doing well with her eating either and to have time to also take care of the eating of the rest of us....UFFDA! SUCH a blessing!
These past four days have been as if i had not been breathing before and i finally am able to now! I have been able to have alone time with three of the girls in these days and OH how i had missed that!!! I was able to get caught up on laundry. Today, i am in the weeds on that AND dishes but i HAD to write this update and the other post as i PROMISED myself that i would on Ethan's three month anniversary. (i missed the other ones) I feel like baking and cooking and visiting people and getting out and being ALIVE!
Ethan has been wanting me to hold him and he is allowing me to cuddle him and he is reaching out to his siblings and being WAY WAY more loving. He IS still doing SOME acting out but NOTHING like before! He is EATING!!!! He is NOT drinking BUT i am figuring out MANY things that can be doused in his rice milk ;) He is sleeping more often in the laying down position!!! He is more content!!! He is acting as if he has given in to the fact that these 'workers' at his new 'orphanage' are NEVER going to leave him alone SO he might as well accept them and treat them as if they are FAMILY!!! Even a week ago, i would have never thought that i could feel like this again BUT i am THRILLED beyond belief that we are where we are at with Ethan in our family! I have always known that we did what God asked us to do and that it was WORTH IT BUT i LOVE it....i absolutely LOVE it that we have Ethan and that he is our son! Our daughters are LOVING their brother this week and are warming up QUICKLY with HOPE that this trend is continuing and will just grow in leaps and bounds!
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE if God is calling YOU to adopt.....YES, it IS hard!!! SOME harder than others BUT it is OBEDIENCE that God has called us to....NOT easiness! IF God has laid it on your heart to bring home a child who is in need of a family.....DO!!!!! IT!!!!! God is faithful and even when He is dragging you through the sand of your life where those footprints once were of yours and then just His.....LET HIM drag you at least BECAUSE one day again....YOUR footprints will be back in the sand SKIPPING beside His!!! THANKFUL that He is ALWAYS FAITHFUL!!! ALWAYS even when YOU are not!!!
ALWAYS BLESSED!!! Connie for the crew!
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Our family adventures-UFFDA!
OUR ALLY IS HOME!!!! Man, i LOVE her and OH how i MISSED her!!!
Scott found a vehicle to drive back to work tonight!!! Yep, he bought it!
Ethan drank a few sips of water tonight out of our Lizzie's bottled water.....which is more than he has had total in MANY MANY hours. He is eating his hot cereals still AND HATES it that i keep adding fruit sauces to them OR anything else that could be anywh
Scott found a vehicle to drive back to work tonight!!! Yep, he bought it!
Ethan drank a few sips of water tonight out of our Lizzie's bottled water.....which is more than he has had total in MANY MANY hours. He is eating his hot cereals still AND HATES it that i keep adding fruit sauces to them OR anything else that could be anywh
ere CLOSE to a liquid.
We got to celebrate by eating a DQ cake with our WHOLE family together for about fifteen minutes to sing Happy 50th Birthday to Scott!!!!
PRAYER REQUESTS
1) Ally is exhausted as she has lost a FULL 24 hours of a day so she is in need of rest and restoration
2) Ethan NEEDS to eat and DRINK.....i literally am FORCING in food and as much of what is considered liquid into him but it is EXTREMELY stressful on the entire family to be a part of, to hear and to watch
3) Scott going back to work on his 50th birthday...PLEASE pray that he is encouraged
4) Sophina would improve on her eating and drinking as it is still a fight but there IS improvement
5) There is SO MUCH that is needing to be done and i am in need of wisdom, energy, strength, use of time, ability to do what needs to be done and who to help when! SO i am in need of a covering of prayer support BIG TIME!
Thank you so much to those who DO pray for us as we keep having our adventures! We are ALWAYS BLESSED, Connie for the crew
We got to celebrate by eating a DQ cake with our WHOLE family together for about fifteen minutes to sing Happy 50th Birthday to Scott!!!!
PRAYER REQUESTS
1) Ally is exhausted as she has lost a FULL 24 hours of a day so she is in need of rest and restoration
2) Ethan NEEDS to eat and DRINK.....i literally am FORCING in food and as much of what is considered liquid into him but it is EXTREMELY stressful on the entire family to be a part of, to hear and to watch
3) Scott going back to work on his 50th birthday...PLEASE pray that he is encouraged
4) Sophina would improve on her eating and drinking as it is still a fight but there IS improvement
5) There is SO MUCH that is needing to be done and i am in need of wisdom, energy, strength, use of time, ability to do what needs to be done and who to help when! SO i am in need of a covering of prayer support BIG TIME!
Thank you so much to those who DO pray for us as we keep having our adventures! We are ALWAYS BLESSED, Connie for the crew
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Last night at home....NOT GOOD!!!
Well, it will be interesting to see what our day is going to be like because yesterday was FULL and i mean FULL of sleep!!! I got to have time with Sophina and we got to have fun watching the Olympics with Becky!
I had put Ethan down at 1pm and again he wouldn't swallow his med SO he fought being able to sleep for TWO HOURS due to his not being able to breathe well. He would cough and cough (just like in the hospital BUT he wouldn't swallow that med that now i am sure was mostly mixed with mucus. THEN at 3pm (after Becky and i had watched this 'fight' on the video), he just crashed and slept REALLY WELL!!!! You could just SEE his relaxation...his body was finally getting rest. Well, 6pm came and i went up to check on him physically and he didn't budge even though all the other times he would just be done with his nap as he is a VERY light sleeper. SO, i thought that maybe he should just sleep since that brings healing. THEN, it was 7pm and i had just kept on watching his breathing and by that time it was a major part of our conversation. I went up again and THIS time, i rubbed his back over and over again.....he was OUT! His breathing was fine and so was his color. We decided to just let him sleep!!!!! AND. HE. DID!!!!!
I was exhausted by the time the Olympics were done (exhaustion was from the night's/nights before of little sleep) and i couldn't wait to hit the bed!!! I thought that i should see if i could get Ethan to wake up so i could get him liquids AND at least one med. He woke up and the first thing i gave him was my white chocolate pudding with his med and again it went in just fine BUT again.....he immediately started sounding rattily like he did in the hospital that time at 4am/5am. I was not surprised when the respiratory nurse at that time said that he was filled with junk in his throat and not his lungs. It happened again that next night when Susan was there. It has happened every time at home BUT last night.....it. was. beyond. bad.
At the hospital when Ethan would go down to the low 70's the nurse would ask me if i could see the blueness around his nose and i wouldn't. Last night, i saw the blueness around his nose AND he did what he used to do before the surgery....he stopped breathing, twice. Yep, just about did me in. We called our NICU/PICU nurse neighbors twice while we were in the heat of it as i had Sophina asleep in one room (as it was so late, they were asleep, i am sure) and Vica (who is fearful of being alone at night) here awake as she was the one helping me (after we had watched the Olympics)......i wasn't going to bring in all of us to the ER at now midnight and find out that there is nothing that they could do to make him swallow.
I kept trying to get Ethan to drink his juice so he would swallow more of the med. The only way that i can explain it to you is.....you know how your kids can't swallow a pill those first tries when they are little OR like my girls....even after being older and trying over and over and over and over and that pill is STILL there? Well, THAT, in Ethan's capability of learning how to get more food????? IDK, is what he does when he doesn't like something. He has done this since we got him at the hotel almost three months ago....we just didn't know that he could also do this with LIQUIDS in the back of his throat!!!!!
The good thing is.....ETHAN DRANK!!!! He drank LOTS!!!! His cup is in the room now but i am sure that he drank @ 170 mls of JUICE!!!! THAT, thrilled me!!! After about an hour of frantic prayers for wisdom and dousing him with oils that were supposed to help, i knew that he was doing what he had done at the hospital and WHEN he was doing that....they said that there is nothing that i can do....he just has to swallow or cough it OUT! He was doing neither. Many times he HAD coughed it OUT thus losing his meds and thus the reason why many times his meds wouldn't last him BUT this time....he wouldn't get it out.
If we wouldn't have gone through all that we did at the hospital and if i had not had the past almost three months with him .....seeing what he sleeps like and how he breathes and how he holds his food/liquids/meds....i would have had NO DOUBT about taking him in last night BUT since i knew that there wasn't anything that we could do. Since, he WAS breathing back to what it was like when they were trying to get us home.....i put him into his crib and i collapsed into bed.
So, did you get this....he was put into bed at 1pm yesterday for his nap.....wouldn't get to sleep until 3pm BUT didn't wake up until MOMMY woke him up to get him meds, 'food' and juice at 11:15pm and then went back to sleep at @1am and is STILL asleep now!!!!! His breathing is still not where i would like it to be but it is what i am used to and he is back to sleeping sitting up (the past two nights). i can't wait for our 1:20pm appointment to see what is going on.
PRAYING for our son to start swallowing IMMEDIATELY with his liquids and after CHEWING his food....this cannot be good for his throat back there. PLEASE pray that he will start eating and drinking again and that he will have a desire for it. Please PRAY that this immense sleep is bringing healing!!! He screams a LOT from frustration and anger and did so intensely the day after (or was it the day OF the surgery) SO i AM thrilled that he is sleeping and resting that throat! PLEASE PRAY FOR HEALING!!!
ALWAYS BLESSED, Connie for the crew
ps THIS is why i cried quite often when thinking that they were doing this surgery in Bul*aria.....i couldn't imagine our son laying in a crib in a hospital with NO ONE to comfort him....NOW, seeing what he has gone through, the nurses and i would say over and over again....they would have had to have strapped him down completely. Over and over again, i would say....i just am so thankful that they decided AGAINST doing the surgery there and letting Ethan wait until he was here......our son has been held for HOURS and HOURS and has been comforted and sung to and prayed over and LOVED intensely through all of this! I am just praying that he knows that his family LOVES him!!!!
Monday, July 30, 2012
WE ARE HOME!!!! We left the hospital at NOON EXACTLY
I apologize for the past few entrances to my blog being in poor coloring as i have just been taking it from my FB wall and posting it here and being that i was so busy, i didn't even take time to check it. I will try harder to take the time to check it out first!
Finally able to relax! It has been a busy day from the moment we stepped into our house. LeAnne dropped in here helping with cleaning up and laundry. Ethan has had an OK day/night. He drank a little and ate a little BUT he POOPED one of the five worst poops he has ever had! WELL, he hadn't pooped for 2 1/2 days SO i gave him some prunes/juice....let's just say it worked VERY quickly!!!He wreaked STILL EVEN after twenty wipes and six washes in the tub...SO i used a LOT of baby powder and he STILL smelled....you just don't want a Bulgarian boy to miss his pooping a day! HA! I'm sure that it is a good thing that Lizand Nate and Scott and Ally weren't here even though i would have loved the help....they i am sure are relieved that they weren't! WOWZA!
Ethan was obviously still in pain! He was frustrated because he WANTS food BUT it hurts more than it is worth to him. ANyone who has seen our Ethan eat KNOWS what a big deal that is. He is still holding his food and meds in the back of his throat and it is horrible for feeding him. I would say that 70% of the time, i was FORCING him to eat and then drinking....just can't do it! BUT he IS drinking enough. He IS eating enough....for NOW, but he DEFINITELY would NOT want to do this forever!
PLEASE do not think that we are not in need of prayer....Ethan is still not out of this. This was a VERY long day/night as it was just me at the time we walked in the door. THANKFUL for our Victoria learning to feed Sophina through all of this as that is looking like it will be needed for awhile. Ethan is eating worse than Sophina in that he has a HUGE fight and has had that kind of fight his whole life. He is known at the PICU as being "feisty and SO strong!!!!" and "he must have definitely had to live like this in order to survive".
Praying that Liz and Nate were able to have a night of time alone as they would come to the house at a very short notice. Our girls would not have been able to have stayed at home without them. We are so grateful!
PLEASE keep praying for our family. We are dealing with some tough stuff. PLEASE pray that Ethan will THIRST for liquids. PRAY that he will desire FOOD! PRAY that he will desire to be kind. PLEASE pray for me to have energy, compassion and a wisdom to know what to do and when to do it. PLEASE pray that Ethan's FEW times of bonding with me in the hospital WILL continue and grow!
THANK YOU ALL for going through this past almost full week at the hospital that was SO full of a roller coaster ride. God used it to allow me to learn more about our son that i would have maybe never learned or not learned for a long time! SO, i am grateful! We had some amazing nurses who had great hearts and minds AND even got to see people that i wouldn't have seen had we left after one night. God is the only One who knows exactly why but i TRULY think it is because i learned more about our son....even this morning (well, now, yesterday morning) at 1 something!!! It was amazing to learn more about our little boy...our son! I am ALWAYS BLESSED.....
Finally able to relax! It has been a busy day from the moment we stepped into our house. LeAnne dropped in here helping with cleaning up and laundry. Ethan has had an OK day/night. He drank a little and ate a little BUT he POOPED one of the five worst poops he has ever had! WELL, he hadn't pooped for 2 1/2 days SO i gave him some prunes/juice....let's just say it worked VERY quickly!!!He wreaked STILL EVEN after twenty wipes and six washes in the tub...SO i used a LOT of baby powder and he STILL smelled....you just don't want a Bulgarian boy to miss his pooping a day! HA! I'm sure that it is a good thing that Lizand Nate and Scott and Ally weren't here even though i would have loved the help....they i am sure are relieved that they weren't! WOWZA!
Ethan was obviously still in pain! He was frustrated because he WANTS food BUT it hurts more than it is worth to him. ANyone who has seen our Ethan eat KNOWS what a big deal that is. He is still holding his food and meds in the back of his throat and it is horrible for feeding him. I would say that 70% of the time, i was FORCING him to eat and then drinking....just can't do it! BUT he IS drinking enough. He IS eating enough....for NOW, but he DEFINITELY would NOT want to do this forever!
PLEASE do not think that we are not in need of prayer....Ethan is still not out of this. This was a VERY long day/night as it was just me at the time we walked in the door. THANKFUL for our Victoria learning to feed Sophina through all of this as that is looking like it will be needed for awhile. Ethan is eating worse than Sophina in that he has a HUGE fight and has had that kind of fight his whole life. He is known at the PICU as being "feisty and SO strong!!!!" and "he must have definitely had to live like this in order to survive".
Praying that Liz and Nate were able to have a night of time alone as they would come to the house at a very short notice. Our girls would not have been able to have stayed at home without them. We are so grateful!
PLEASE keep praying for our family. We are dealing with some tough stuff. PLEASE pray that Ethan will THIRST for liquids. PRAY that he will desire FOOD! PRAY that he will desire to be kind. PLEASE pray for me to have energy, compassion and a wisdom to know what to do and when to do it. PLEASE pray that Ethan's FEW times of bonding with me in the hospital WILL continue and grow!
THANK YOU ALL for going through this past almost full week at the hospital that was SO full of a roller coaster ride. God used it to allow me to learn more about our son that i would have maybe never learned or not learned for a long time! SO, i am grateful! We had some amazing nurses who had great hearts and minds AND even got to see people that i wouldn't have seen had we left after one night. God is the only One who knows exactly why but i TRULY think it is because i learned more about our son....even this morning (well, now, yesterday morning) at 1 something!!! It was amazing to learn more about our little boy...our son! I am ALWAYS BLESSED.....
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Another update
It looks as though Ethan should be going home. We will more than likely be going home in the morning!!!! PLEASE PRAY THAT ETHAN WILL DRINK and EAT!!! THIS IS HUGE!!! He has already lost almost three pounds being here and i am sure that the next two weeks will also NOT be gaining weight! Pray for his little body to recover and for his little self to feel better emotionally too! THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR PRAYERS! ALWAYS BLESSED, Connie
Update on Ethan (still in hospital)
Our son is just waking up....Yep, it is nearing 9am! I woke up at 8:30am......in a hospital room!!!! Yep, NOT used to that! He said, "uh-oh" and went back to sleep! As soon as he did....the alarm went off! HA!
THIS is the reason i came on though.....he is still in the same spot in the bed as he was when i put him in!!!!!! His sat alarms never went off and i stayed up an hour after he went to sleep to make sure he did well. Sats stayed in the 90's! SO SO SO thrilled!
Ok......that was written 45 minutes ago. He has had all kinds of things happen since then. His IV closed up and so now he HAS to eat/drink or we will be in trouble. He is NOT having anything to do with food or drink again. It took three of us to get him applesauce SO i don't think that is going over well. Although, with Sophina's food aversion, this is NOT a big deal to me OR to our Victoria (13 year old) or Catia (11 year old) SO they would know how to help me BUT the problem is is that then i will have TWO children to be doing that with. THe good part of us not having someone to help with Sophina is that Victoria is having to feed Sophina WAY more than she has ever done AND Sophina must sense that she is NEEDING to eat for HER. We are so excited that that has not been an issue at home.
Ethan is awake and is shaking again like yesterday morning and also like yesterday morning, he is lethargic BUT he has more of a kick than yesterday at least.
Just got to meet the son of a couple that i met at the Cafe Renaissance years ago. THey own the Short Stop (chicken place here locally) and their daughter has DS!!! I actually got to meet them as they found out that i was pregnant with Sophina (so that would be about four years ago) and they also talked to me when Sophina was born when i worked in between Sophina's PDA and her open heart surgery. Well, their son (who is 22) is here working as a first year RN!!!! He can't wait until he can come back to our room to have time with Ethan! What a blessing!
I am feeling VERY renewed and even if we DO have to stay another night....i was SO REFRESHED from my three lady visitors and prayer with our pastor over the phone that i think i will be able to handle it. The Lord knew what i needed and i am so grateful that these three ladies (who are busy people) took the time out for us!
Prayer requests: 1) That Ethan will EAT/DRINK!!!!
2) Pain management will happen
3) His sats will continue to remain in the 90's
4) That my girls will have FULL ASSURANCE that mom and dad love them and are here. Three years ago we were in the Cities with Sophina having open heart surgery and we were there for THREE WEEKS after being told that it should be one week. When she had issues in that April, the Dr told us that we were only going down to the Cities (with an order to leave immediately....even though we had four children at home SO the kids only had a few minutes notice that we were leaving them to friends. That visit turned into FIVE WEEKS!!!!! I only got to come home ONE TIME in that time period.....for the Saturday night to Sunday after lunch of Resurrection Sunday.) Our girls are doing ok but i KNOW that they are nervous about what is happening, especially because we are only a few doors down from when Sophina stayed here for a week BEFORE all of the rest of that.
For me to be strong and REAL and not allow emotions to overtake me through this. It has been a VERY lonely almost three months but I AM ALWAYS BLESSED!
PS Elizabeth and Tom.....i would love to meet you if you are in the area for some odd reason....to just get a hug would be so cool! Your messages have meant a lot!
THIS is the reason i came on though.....he is still in the same spot in the bed as he was when i put him in!!!!!! His sat alarms never went off and i stayed up an hour after he went to sleep to make sure he did well. Sats stayed in the 90's! SO SO SO thrilled!
Ok......that was written 45 minutes ago. He has had all kinds of things happen since then. His IV closed up and so now he HAS to eat/drink or we will be in trouble. He is NOT having anything to do with food or drink again. It took three of us to get him applesauce SO i don't think that is going over well. Although, with Sophina's food aversion, this is NOT a big deal to me OR to our Victoria (13 year old) or Catia (11 year old) SO they would know how to help me BUT the problem is is that then i will have TWO children to be doing that with. THe good part of us not having someone to help with Sophina is that Victoria is having to feed Sophina WAY more than she has ever done AND Sophina must sense that she is NEEDING to eat for HER. We are so excited that that has not been an issue at home.
Ethan is awake and is shaking again like yesterday morning and also like yesterday morning, he is lethargic BUT he has more of a kick than yesterday at least.
Just got to meet the son of a couple that i met at the Cafe Renaissance years ago. THey own the Short Stop (chicken place here locally) and their daughter has DS!!! I actually got to meet them as they found out that i was pregnant with Sophina (so that would be about four years ago) and they also talked to me when Sophina was born when i worked in between Sophina's PDA and her open heart surgery. Well, their son (who is 22) is here working as a first year RN!!!! He can't wait until he can come back to our room to have time with Ethan! What a blessing!
I am feeling VERY renewed and even if we DO have to stay another night....i was SO REFRESHED from my three lady visitors and prayer with our pastor over the phone that i think i will be able to handle it. The Lord knew what i needed and i am so grateful that these three ladies (who are busy people) took the time out for us!
Prayer requests: 1) That Ethan will EAT/DRINK!!!!
2) Pain management will happen
3) His sats will continue to remain in the 90's
4) That my girls will have FULL ASSURANCE that mom and dad love them and are here. Three years ago we were in the Cities with Sophina having open heart surgery and we were there for THREE WEEKS after being told that it should be one week. When she had issues in that April, the Dr told us that we were only going down to the Cities (with an order to leave immediately....even though we had four children at home SO the kids only had a few minutes notice that we were leaving them to friends. That visit turned into FIVE WEEKS!!!!! I only got to come home ONE TIME in that time period.....for the Saturday night to Sunday after lunch of Resurrection Sunday.) Our girls are doing ok but i KNOW that they are nervous about what is happening, especially because we are only a few doors down from when Sophina stayed here for a week BEFORE all of the rest of that.
For me to be strong and REAL and not allow emotions to overtake me through this. It has been a VERY lonely almost three months but I AM ALWAYS BLESSED!
PS Elizabeth and Tom.....i would love to meet you if you are in the area for some odd reason....to just get a hug would be so cool! Your messages have meant a lot!
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