My bittersweet day

THIS MORNING I GOT TO SING ON WORSHIP TEAM!!! The utter JOY of doing this is indescribable.........but you know me....i will try my best to describe it! ;) 
I have sung so little since Sophina was born....first not being able to sing at work...the Cafe Renaissance was a place where i used to be able to sing with Chris Stone during the Christmas season...O HOLY NIGHT or if someone would ask for a special. I miss that!!! (O HOLY NIGHT is one of my all time favorite songs whether Christmas or otherwise) 
ANYWAY, THEN i used to sing almost EVERY Sunday up front for almost two years and before that...OFTEN for MANY years....i LOVED it because I GOT TO WATCH THE PEOPLE WORSHIP!!! WHAT DELIGHT!!! (Better is one day in God's courts than a thousand elsewhere)  THEN to sing with some of the people that i got to sing with...doing majorly beautiful parts.....oh my!  I miss hearing that 'FULL' sound! Today I was asked after the sermon if it was my first time singing up front :(   It has been way too long!
This morning i had chills watching and partaking in the worshiping of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ with fellow believers. I saw a friend overcome in tears as she tried to sing, people with smiles, others with arms raised in awe of our God! I could care less if there was a mic....to just be able to turn around from my front row seat where i normally sit every Sunday and see what i got to see was AMAZING!!!  I just had this thought (which i have had MANY times while helping lead worship of music) but it must be a little taste of what it looks like to God!  (except for the fact that He gets to watch hundreds of thousands at once ;))
BUT.......it came at a price. THIS is where YOU come in....our Sundays are ALWAYS hard with Sophina....will YOU please remember to pray for us on Sunday mornings.....feedings are always a fight BIG TIME!!!  THIS Sunday....it was just Ally. Ally tried and tried and Sophina only drank 1 Tbsp of milk! NO food...ZERO!!! UGH!  Our Sophina does NOT do well with little food but today we are grateful that she did do fine with no food.  All of our girls changed their Sunday morning so that Mommy could sing up front today and i am so grateful!  Ally took over the care of Sophina COMPLETELY. Victoria woke up early so she could come with me AND instead of her staying for the meeting with her friends she came home with me to help get all of our stuff home and help feed the baby (without my asking her to). MAN, i so very much appreciate that!  Catherine needed to get a ride with someone else in order to get to Sunday School and i am very grateful for Taylor's family for doing that for us!  Liz and Nate needed to help us get Allly and Sophina to church so they changed their life for me too!


Today there is a meeting going on at church where there are going to be people sharing what God has done in their lives and i will be missing it!  I TEACH a class called Life Stories....because i am PASSIONATE about people's life stories!!!  Oh how i miss being able to BE WITH the gathering of the saints with all kinds of different things that I was able to do!  It is so very hard to not be able to do this and i SO want to BUT GOD....  


My life is not about this right now in my life!  THEN when we bring home precious Ethan...well, it will be a REALLY long time before i can do it again.  MY LIFE IS NOT ABOUT ME!!! My life is about serving Jesus by serving my family! i am so thankful that the Lord blessed my life....yes, i mean specifically MY LIFE with Sophina.....not my husband's nor my children's lives but MY LIFE....God brought Sophina into my life to open my eyes ....to bring perspective to LIFE!!!  Things that used to be REALLY important are NOT as important!  Things that were important aren't anymore.....you ask for an example?   I LOVED FOOTBALL!!!  YES, ME!  If you don't believe me ask our girls, or Scott or Nate for that matter.  I grew up watching Monday Night Football, Sunday night football and Sunday football all day and i LOVED THAT!!!  Now, it doesn't even matter to me and i don't miss it one bit!  My life has become more focused on things that will last for eternity!  Children who need families!!!  People who need Jesus!!!  People who need prayer or encouragement!!!  Playing games as a family....LOVE to do.  Give me a game of Mexican Train or Rook or Settlers with the family any day BUT playing a game on an electronic device by myself....a waste of time!  We have such little time left....i am not going to live forever....how am i living my life?!!?!   Go read a book with your child!  Take one of your children out on a date...or just bring one child with to the grocery store!  Catherine and i are reading our Bibles together every day!  SHE ASKED!!!  She said that she would love to do that so she doesn't get behind on her daily reading...she is going to read the WHOLE Bible for the first time this year and she wants to discuss what she has read!!!  OH how i have been convicted of not wasting the things that the Lord has given us....not just the 'stuff' BUT our TIME!!!!!  (ok...WOW that was a HUGE bunny trail) ALL of that to say that our Sophina has brought such perspective!!!!  ETHAN will be worth any sacrifice that will be needed....how do i know???  Sophina is worth the changes that were made in my life!!!!  FOR SURE!!!!  Do i miss a lot of things.....YES!!!!  Would i trade it if i could do life all over again.....NEVER in a MILLION YEARS!!!  


Let me tell you that singing up front is not something that i take lightly....what an incredible honor! What a delight that my children and friends allowed me to partake in!!!!  SO grateful!!!  Thank you Chris, Liz and Nate, Ally, Vika, Catia and even Sophina!!!


......it was a glorious and wonderful day but bittersweet! I CHOOSE to focus on the sweet part.....as i am ALWAYS BLESSED!!!  Connie for the crew who cannot wait for the day when Ethan is finally HOME